The Way In is the Way Out
By Steve Beckow
Posted on April 17, 2024
I received a dressing down two days ago, which was well deserved, which I acknowledged. However, the occasion presented a wonderful opportunity to look at myself and I’ve been doing that ever since.
It’s been very rewarding.
There’s no way I could say what happened without being egregiously self-serving.
I complained at an establishment and got push-back instead. I was behaving from entitlement.
I decided to really use the occasion to see what it had to teach me.
I heard – and hear – in myself a vocal tone that is and was not right on beam. It was edgy, potentially hostile. I then recalled that I’m ever on the watch for villains, tracing back to my Dad, the back of whose hand one could never predict.
Never let your guard down, he’d say to me. With him, by age seven, I never did.
You can hear it in my voice. Not like I was aware of it until today.
***
By the law of attraction I drew someone to me who would mirror me, someone who had as much of a chip on her shoulder as I did. AND she was the manager (read: Dad, teacher, school principal).
For me, the matter quickly became: How far am I willing to take things? I was not willing to take things any farther. This was not my fight. Not the hill I choose to die on.
But it told me so much about the cycle of conflict, I am down-on-my-knees grateful.
(A) First of all, it showed me that like attracts like. This person facing me was a mirror image of me in some situations.
But it’s never just one universal law that’s operating at a time. It’s all of them.
(B) For instance, the law of karma is operating as well: we reap what we sow; what goes around comes around. I’m meeting my karma, my reflection.
(C) Out of it, I came to see my act as a rescuer and protector. I couldn’t protect Mom when I was 7. I couldn’t save Mom from dying in a housefire when I was 22. Not going to let that one happen again.
I’ve been rescuing and protecting women – and metaphorically chasing firetrucks – ever since.
The rescuing and protecting is neither here nor there. The Coast Guard does it all the time. It’s my relationship to what I’m doing that remains unseen, unquestioned.
In common speech we say I’m “run by” a need to rescue and protect. When triggered, I switch into my resisting, rescuing and protecting persona without blinking an eye. (1)
I could get a job in resisting, rescuing, or protecting. Then I’d be right in alignment with my environment and assignment. Otherwise it’s not a socially productive act.
***
Another thing I noticed was that our bodies after a time mirror our attitude. But I didn’t just get it as a passing idea. I experienced and “got” it.
For example, you can see my skepticism mirrored in my arched left eyebrow. I’m saying, “show me.” Vancouver Sun journalist Alan Fotheringham once said, by age forty, we’re responsible for our own face. You can see large elements of my history in my arched left eyebrow, most visible when I’m listening to someone.
If we’re to understand and escape the cycle of conflict – you and me – we’re going to have to get to know ourselves.
As Sufi sages have said, we don’t become a knower of God (seeming to be out there), until and unless we become a knower of the self/Self (in here).
The way in is the way out.
Download There is No Greater Gift than Listening – Vol. 3. Leaving the Cycle of Conflict here: https://goldenageofgaia.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/There-is-No-Greater-Gift-than-Listening-V3-Leaving-the-Cycle-of-Conflict-R9-.pdf
Footnotes
(1) Remember the silver lining behind a vasana. Now we’re doing what we do automatically; what Werner Erhard called “at effect.” Later, when we see and complete our vasana, we’ll still be left with the skills we gained but we’ll now be, in Werner’s terms, “at cause” with the vasana.
I will still be a rescuer and protector. That has to be part of my mission or I wouldn’t have scripted domestic abuse into my soul contract. But I will now be at cause – that is, at choice with it – rather than being at effect – that is, run by it.
