Showing posts with label behavior. Show all posts
Showing posts with label behavior. Show all posts

Saturday, February 8, 2025

Behavior In The Federation

Behavior In The Federation

By Ashtar Command

Channel: Neva Gabriel
Translated and posted on February 8, 2024





Greetings from the Command!

Much is said, in environments more integrated with the reality of our existence, about our behavior amid conflicting situations and the clash of different ideas.

Naturally, this is also an agenda item that will be inserted into the first ranks of obligations when we can finally work together for the due improvements on the planet.

Diplomacy is something we genuinely value. There are countless races throughout the cosmos and, more intimately, in the galaxy where Earth exists, there are many groups with whom we have debated extensively about certain issues in the planet’s development plan.

There are always meetings about important topics, concerning what can already be implemented or not, in the tone of planetary ascension, considering the numerous variables due to the constantly and fervently adjusting level of planetary consciousness.

The difference is that in these meetings, there is no disrespect, rudeness, or raising of voices with tones of oppression, insult, or imposition.

There are always disagreements and agreements, and naturally, when a harmonious consensus is reached, we move on to the next topic. There is always a fondness and a genuine desire for collaboration.

Hierarchy And Behavior In The Federation

Those who have greater expansion and light are always among the main advisors and direct instructors, because although the hierarchy is not as it often is on Earth, aboard our ships and meeting centers, there are counselors who are hierarchically respected and honored, like teachers and executive directors of divine plans.

Even though the human mind struggles to understand certain dynamics in our organizations and how we deal with certain situations, Respect, Diplomacy, and Honor towards the hierarchy are fundamental points for the minimum harmonious coexistence in our Federation.

Understand that when we talk about hierarchy, we are not talking about superiors ordering inferiors; we are talking about a field where naturally the understanding of the Source is broader, and there is unconditional respect for this in our environments.

Clearly, no one needs to dictate rules and orders, as there is a natural consensus where everyone knows very well their role and how far they can go.

In meetings, this is always very clear and evident, and even though they exist and are sometimes “heated” when it comes to the “Earth” agenda, it’s never like your minds might imagine, considering the earthly reality where many have a thirst for power and control over others.

Even though we know our role and have our responsibilities assured within us, listening to our superiors is always a moment of great joy and jubilation, as we are in constant learning and open to our development.

There is always mutual partnership, and even in disagreements, there is Respect and Brotherhood, and never, under any circumstances, oppression, aggression, imposition, disloyalty, or desire for power.

There is a dynamic of speaking and listening. In our debates, there is never verbal or vibrational interruption, because this clearly indicates two things: a desire for domination or fear.

As you enter a new phase and we, as your space friends, seek to collaborate, we enter a synergy.

You begin to understand the need for Diplomacy for good coexistence.

The need to understand the dynamics between “boss” and “leader” will be very evident in the daily life of a new society forming from this point, simply because true leadership is that which genuinely inspires, not just by speaking and giving orders, but by example and goodwill, leading others to a conduct that is always forward-thinking, uplifting, and inspiring.

If you want to know about good leadership, notice if it guides you to be better people on all possible levels or just uses you to meet their more personal needs, often through machinery generating paper money.

A real leader has developed deep empathy when they never oppress but set an edifying example and conduct based on moral and spiritual values. Therefore, in the emerging new society, “boss” will only exist in the akashic records of planetary history, replaced by transformative leaders.

Challenges And The Need For Change

This topic is something that will still make many “roll their eyes” because messing with patterns and values rooted in a need for “power to be” is challenging.

As we have announced, our arrival will not only bring joy to those who know our real intentions but will shake the structures of beliefs and understanding of things because we are not coming first for a party; we are coming first to help organize the house for it.

Of course, organizing the house, yes, but never without the residents participating in the organization, and some will not want to change some things around, which will naturally be understandable, considering eons of moral rigidity, but it will be inevitable due to the time for change having arrived, when the house’s regent, Gaia, needs to heal.

We hope that our presence and the opening of our books of conduct will facilitate the understanding of what you really have as tasks on the planet, as well as expand your comprehension of Love, of true Cosmic and Fraternal Love, when you can finally, again, associate with the Federation, possessing internally true Ethics, Diplomacy, and Brotherhood, thus ensuring your certification to travel the Universe with us, assisting civilizations in development.

And this is part of your future, for this is what we do today.

It is an immense joy for us to collaborate and serve the Creator throughout the Cosmos. We are in constant rejoicing for this.

Friends, we know how much your freedom has been curtailed and how you could better understand life on Earth and even in the Universe, but at the same time as you went through all that, you also demonstrated your strength, which never abandoned you.

This is what brought us closer to you when, in the mid-80s, we began to arrive more effectively at the request of cosmic directors.

Yes, we also know there is still much resistance about us and our messages, as well as whether they are truly authentic.

Friends, these messages state truths that have often been denied to you by many and other sources.

And they “stir” you because your souls recognize them as truthful.

Resuming Development And The End Of Domination

The way you have been treated over the last 26,000 years has significantly undermined your ability to discern what is and isn’t, as well as you have been deceived by many who dressed as leaders but were merely non-Federated enforcers of enslavement.

The time of freedom echoes in the bells of discernment, and you are now taking back the lead in your own development, when those who imprisoned you are in retreat upon realizing their time of domination has ended.

You will still see, for a short time, scenarios that seem like “everything continues as before,” but we can assure you it’s quite the opposite.

The more chaos and threats you perceive now, the more you will know they are just the “howls” of old wolves trying to regroup the pack, even the herd, to stay in the lead, but the helm is already under our jurisdiction, and there’s nothing that can be done to take back the reins.

This is an official message from the Ashtar Command through Neva, our base in South America. Listen to the voice of the Ashtar Command at this moment, conveying the truth that has been denied to you for many eras. As time passes and we deliver more of our messages, more allies join us on the surface and share our reports, aiming to expand the communication network, echoing the call across all of Earth for our other sources to awaken.

We now call upon our sources worldwide and the retransmitters of our messages to spread them in your languages.

Translate, verbalize, and share them, make them reach the continents where we have many of ours in their physical avatars.

This is an Official message now transmitted to our representatives on Earth.

Each one of you becomes an ambassador of the Federation when, within the fraternal principles, you understand the unity of Creation and are magnetically grouped in the same field of understanding, thus, in a snowball effect, dragging others of the same understanding line to the contiguous zone.

As the wave and frequency of our approach become perceptible, many at the forefront of global powers are preparing to leave their positions voluntarily or forcibly, as the generation of new and real leadership is already present.

Adonai.

Neva Gabriel


Sunday, August 18, 2024

A Judgmental Person Will Often Use These 10 Phrases

A Judgmental Person Will Often Use These 10 Phrases

By Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

learning-mind.com

Posted on August 18, 2024
 




It may not be obvious when you’re dealing with a judgmental person. But if you pay attention to the way people say things, it might leave you with a few clues.

While masquerading as a caring and sweet individual, a judgmental person will gradually have you questioning most of your decisions. Some cues include raised eyebrows or the silent treatment. But these are pretty obvious.

However, sometimes judgment comes as seemingly innocent statements.

A judgmental person does not mean well

Regardless of the words they say to you, a judgmental person does not mean well. They want you to doubt yourself because, to them, their views and opinions are the most important, if not the only ones that matter.

Sometimes judgmental people want full control or want to ruin your life. And their covert language can slip into the conversation effortlessly. Before you know it, you’re being manipulated to think as they do. Here are a few phrases to watch out for.

1. “Are you sure about that?”

Here’s a funny statement. A judgmental person will have you second-guessing your decisions all day long if you let them. They may say they are just being supportive and want you to think things through, but in reality, they’re jealous and do not want you to succeed.

Think about that for a moment and then read the statement again.

2. “I didn’t know you were into that sort of thing.”

Oh, this is just devious. They seem surprised by what you told them, don’t they? Maybe they have a shocked look on their faces. But listen, you probably aren’t doing anything wrong. They’re just upset that they cannot do the same thing for some reason.

Maybe they’re curious, but when you decide to do something adventurous, they turn judgmental instead of supporting you. Go figure.

3. “I have a much better idea.”

While this may seem harmless, like someone wanting to give their opinion, it can be judgmental. When someone says this, they’re implying that they have the best option or solution for a given problem. They’re one-upping everyone else in the conversation.

4. “If I were you…”

Let me finish that statement. “If I were you, I would do it this way.” A judgmental person believes that you should listen to them because they know what’s best for you.

The statement may seem like friendly advice, but it’s just the beginning of a whole tirade of being a better you than you can be for yourself. If that makes sense. They have already appointed themselves as ruler of your life.

5. “That’s a different style”

Have you ever received a compliment that didn’t sound right? Well, you were probably the victim of a judgmental person. They have a knack for giving backhanded compliments and disguising insults. What they mean is,

“I think that outfit looks bad or weird”, or even worse, “I wouldn’t be caught dead in that.”

Yes, they are judging you for your choice of fashion, your hairstyles, or your choice of accessories.

6. “I would never do that.”

Whatever you’ve done, the judgmental person believes it was a mistake. Better yet, they want you to know that they’ve never made such a “mistake” themselves.

What’s more, they want you to know that they are above doing such things, and would know better. They probably look down on what you’ve done, considering it deplorable. And if you’re talking on the phone, you can smell their judgmental stench from a mile away.

7. “It’s just common sense.”

This statement usually comes right after the judgmental person offers their opinion on any given subject. This phrase means that anyone else’s opinion doesn’t matter.

The judgmental person thinks what they say is more intelligent than what anyone else can offer. They are dismissing any possible differing opinions.

8. “To each their own.”

While this phrase may seem harmless, it can be quite the opposite. If a judgmental person says this, what they mean is,

“I do not agree, nor do I like what a person is doing.”

And honestly, it’s none of their business how others spend their time or what others do. But this doesn’t stop the judgmental individual from making this unnecessary statement.

9. “Some people have too much time to spare.”

This statement is a jab at how people choose to spend their time. Maybe you like to hang out with friends every week and go shopping. A judgmental person may say you’re wasting time with this activity.

In their mind, if they do not partake in this activity, it’s a bad idea. It all seems to go back to what they will and will not do with their free time.

10. “My goodness. Bless their heart.”

I was born and raised in the southern U.S., and I can attest to this statement being judgmental…sometimes.

First of all, it can be a show of genuine sympathy. However, in most cases, it tends to be patronizing, expressing pity and criticism instead of sympathy. It’s like they’re saying,

“Poor thing. You just don’t measure up, do you?”

So now, how cruel does that sound?

Let’s all try not to be so judgmental

Life would be more pleasant if we minded our own business, don’t you think? I believe this. And if you’re wondering if someone in your life is judgmental, they will make one or more similar remarks to the phrases I listed above. But the key is to not let these people bring you down.

Please keep enjoying things in your life. How you spend your time and who you spend your time with is your business and yours alone. So, when someone says things like this, it’s best to just let it go and concentrate on making yourself happy.

Go out there and conquer the world if you like. And don’t let others make you feel guilty about it, either.

Sherrie Hurd


About the author:
 

Staff writer at Learning Mind
Sherrie Hurd is a professional writer and artist with over 20 years of experience. As a survivor of childhood trauma and multiple types of abuse, she is an advocate for mental health awareness. Sherrie manages multiple mental illnesses, including anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, and PTSD. With this background and personal experience, she strives to help others overcome trauma and abuse, cope with mental illness, and heal over time.

Copyright © 2012-2024 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 
 

Saturday, August 3, 2024

13 Non-Verbal Signs a Coworker Likes You but Is Hiding It

13 Non-Verbal Signs a Coworker Likes You but Is Hiding It

By Janey Davies, B.A. (Hons)

Posted on August 3, 2024
 




Did you know, the average person spends 30% of their time at work? And since we form relationships with people who are familiar, it’s not surprising to find our partners in the workplace, but if you suck at body language (me included), how do you know when someone is interested?

Some companies frown upon workplace romances and have rules against them, so your coworker might hide their feelings, making it even more challenging to identify them. If you need some help, here are 13 subtle signs a coworker likes you.

13 Signs a Coworker Likes You

1. They raise their eyebrows when they see you.

The eyebrow flash is a universal sign of nonverbal attraction. It’s an unconscious gesture that lasts one fifth of a second. Often paired with a smile, it means the person is happy to see you.

2. They show their top front teeth when they smile at you.

Have you noticed that when you smile at someone you fancy, your top front teeth show? This usually happens during the first stages of attraction, but it’s involuntary and a fascinating sign to look out for.

3. They look at you when they tell a joke to the entire team.

People tend to look at their favorite person when laughing. Studies also suggest someone who likes you will automatically look at you when telling a joke.

4. “I saw this and thought of you.”

Do they remember little details of your life? Do they mention your previous remarks or tell you stuff they think you’ll like? When we’re interested in someone, we want to know more about them.

5. They groom themselves when you approach them.

You can spot signs that a coworker likes you by paying attention to what they do when you approach them. Self-grooming is a dead giveaway.

We want to look our best to people we find attractive, so we’ll straighten our clothes, smooth our hair, brush imaginary dust from our shoulders or knees, or even straighten up and flick our hair back.

6. They tilt their head to one side when you’re talking.

You know when dogs tilt their heads to one side? It looks as if they’re concentrating or that they’re curious. It’s the same with humans.

We instinctively tilt our heads when we are keen to know more. This could mean you’re telling a captivating story, or it’s one of the signs a coworker likes you.

7. They are touchy / feely with you.

Our body language gives away our thoughts and emotions. For example, we only let people we like into our personal space. Watch for gentle touches on the arm, shoulder, back or knees, accidentally brushing up against you (not in a pervy way) or being close. These are all signs a coworker likes you.

8. They mirror your body movements.

You can test this theory yourself if you want proof that your coworker likes you. It’s reliable because when we’re attracted to someone, we imitate their movements.

Try changing how you stand or sit, for example, leaning against a wall or resting your head on your left hand and see if the other person copies you.

9. They use the same words you do or copy your accent.

People who are attracted to you will not only mirror your movements but also pick up on slight variations in your speech and start using them.

Pay attention if your coworker includes words you often use. It’s a quick way of forming a connection. You’ll often see detectives using the same vernacular as suspects to create a rapport.

10. They laugh a lot around you.

Humans find laughter attractive. Women like men who can make them laugh, and men like women who laugh at their jokes. But there’s another reason humor is sexy; when we laugh, it shows we like someone and knowing someone likes you makes you like them even more.

“If you ask people about their experience of falling in love, over 90 percent will say that a major factor was discovering that the other person liked them.”
– Dr Arthur Aron

11. They keep the dialogue going.

If someone likes you, they’ll want to keep talking to you. For example, a question at the end of a text message is their way of saying ‘let’s keep talking’.

You: “Thanks for sending that invoice over.”

Not interested: “No problem.” 

Interested: “Sure, no problem. Did you get the returns finished in time?”

12. They are always present or hanging around you.

According to the proximity effect, we find people who are physically near us more attractive. This is because we like things that are familiar, and a close proximity allows more interactions.

“The more a person sees something (or someone), the more they are disposed to like it. This favoring of familiarity is a psychological bias called the mere-exposure effect.”
– Bryan Lufkin, BBC writer

But this principle also works the other way. We gravitate to the things we like, and we want to spend more time with them.

13. Their voice changes when they speak to you.

Watch out for subtle changes in a person’s voice which show attraction. For example, speaking in a lower tone is one of the signs a male coworker likes you but is hiding it, and softening the voice is a sign a female coworker likes you.

Final Thoughts

It’s difficult to spot the signs a coworker likes you, especially if they’re trying to hide it. But there are a few subtle signals that give away a coworker’s intentions without them realizing. You can learn to recognize the signals and perhaps move the potential relationship forward.

Janey Davies
 

 
Sub-editor & staff writer at Learning Mind
Janey Davies has been published online for over 10 years. She has suffered from a panic disorder for over 30 years, which prompted her to study and receive an Honours degree in Psychology with the Open University. Janey uses the experiences of her own anxiety to offer help and advice to others dealing with mental health issues.
 
Copyright © 2012-2024 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 

Sunday, July 21, 2024

You Come Across As Rude If You Use These 6 Phrases

You Come Across As Rude If You Use These 6 Phrases

By Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

learning-mind.com

Posted on July 21, 2024
 



Did you know that if you use certain words, you may come across as rude? That’s right. So, it’s always important to think twice before speaking.

Most people aren’t trying to intentionally come across as rude, but they often end up saying something regretful. People make mistakes. It’s important to note that certain figures of speech may sound mean when used in a particular context.

You see, helpful communication requires more than just the ability to say what you think. In fact, communication is an art, easy for some, but difficult for others.

Be careful not to come across as rude

Yes, it is important to evaluate every word before speaking. This lowers the risk of saying something that may be misunderstood.

Trust me, I am an expert in shoving my foot in my mouth and coming off as rude. It’s easy to do, and that’s why you should always carefully mull over those quick-witted statements you’re getting ready to fire. Here are a few examples of phrases that may come off as being rude.

1. “Calm down”

While this may not sound all that rude at face value, saying this to someone can be condescending. In a way, it invalidates what someone may be going through. Instead of saying “Calm down”, maybe it would be better to just listen. Yes, your intentions may not be to upset them, but inadvertently, that’s what could happen.

2. “It is what it is”

This is an interesting one, seeing as I’ve often said it. However, I will need to think twice before saying this again, now don’t you think? With a little research, I’ve discovered that saying this is simply a substitute for telling someone to stop complaining.

It’s a statement of finality, that whatever the situation is, you cannot change it. It’s rude, and it’s insensitive.

3. “Yeah, right”

This is a phrase that’s easy to say. Many times we say this in conversations, not understanding its implications. It’s usually used as a loose form of sarcasm and used flippantly.

But although you may not mean anything hurtful by the statement, it can come across as rude. It’s also a condescending figure of speech that makes you look and sound like a jerk. Although it may be easy to throw this one out there, consider holding it back.

3. “I’m sorry you feel that way”

Instead of apologizing, many people just say this instead, and it can be so offensive. And why is it so bad, you might ask?

Well, it’s a way to keep from apologizing and to retain a sense of innocence. You’re basically placing the blame on someone else for what you’ve done. So, instead of saying this, maybe just craft a well-worded apology, and mean it when you say it.

4. “That’s so cute”

Unless you compliment someone on what they’re wearing or how they look, saying “That’s cute” may not be the best move to make. This is especially true if the other person is doing something serious or trying to solve a problem.

Telling them they are being cute can come off as rude. When you do this, you downplay the efforts of others and call them silly or childlike. You’re also insinuating that you could do a much better job.

5. “I thought you’d know this”

This or a similar phrase is seen often in the workplace. Although people work at different paces, it is common to hear this type of criticism. And no, it’s not constructive criticism. It actually can come off as rude.

Never assume that just because you can accomplish a particular task, everyone else will be able to do the same thing in the same amount of time. And never say this phrase as a way to make things easier. It doesn’t.

6.“I told you so”

And the last one is a well-known phrase we’ve all been guilty of using. Saying, “I told you so” is just a way to make fun of someone for a mistake and let them know that you were right. It’s a way to express how you think you’re better than they are.

No, it’s not funny. It doesn’t even have a good intention attached to it either.
How to not come across as rude

Now that you’re familiar with a few rude phrases, you can transform your vocabulary to uplift others. It’s smart to practice being a better human, using kind and genuine phrases. Remember to steer clear of condescending statements and think before you speak, using introspection to filter your responses.

If someone is targeting you with rude statements, it’s okay to let them know you’re uncomfortable with what they say to you. Set verbal boundaries and stick with them.

No one will respect and love you in the same way that you love yourself. Keep this in mind. It is up to you to stand up for yourself and set the standard for how you want to be treated.

I wish you all the best in your endeavors.

Sherrie Hurd


About the author:
 

Staff writer at Learning Mind
Sherrie Hurd is a professional writer and artist with over 20 years of experience. As a survivor of childhood trauma and multiple types of abuse, she is an advocate for mental health awareness. Sherrie manages multiple mental illnesses, including anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, and PTSD. With this background and personal experience, she strives to help others overcome trauma and abuse, cope with mental illness, and heal over time.

Copyright © 2012-2024 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 
 

Saturday, February 10, 2024

How Do Thoughts and Emotions Affect Health?

How Do Thoughts and Emotions Affect Health?

By Karen Lawson

Posted on February 10, 2024



Your thoughts and emotions can affect your health. Emotions that are freely experienced and expressed without judgment or attachment tend to flow fluidly without impacting our health. On the other hand, repressed emotions (especially fearful or negative ones) can zap mental energy, negatively affect the body, and lead to health problems..

It’s important to recognize our thoughts and emotions and be aware of the effect they have—not only on each other, but also on our bodies, behavior, and relationships.

Poorly-managed negative emotions are not good for your health

Negative attitudes and feelings of helplessness and hopelessness can create chronic stress, which upsets the body’s hormone balance, depletes the brain chemicals required for happiness, and damages the immune system. Chronic stress can actually decrease our lifespan. (Science has now identified that stress shortens our telomeres, the “end caps” of our DNA strands, which causes us to age more quickly.)

Poorly managed or repressed anger (hostility) is also related to a slew of health conditions, such as hypertension (high blood pressure), cardiovascular disease, digestive disorders, and infection.

The importance of positive emotions

Scientist Barbara Fredrickson has shown that positive emotions:

Broaden our perspective of the world (thus inspiring more creativity, wonder, and options)

Build over time, creating lasting emotional resilience and flourishing.

Dr. Fredrickson has spent years researching and publishing the physical and emotional benefits of positivity, including faster recovery from cardiovascular stress, better sleep, fewer colds, and a greater sense of overall happiness. The good news is not only that positive attitudes—such as playfulness, gratitude, awe, love, interest, serenity, and feeling connected to others—have a direct impact on health and wellbeing, but that we can develop them ourselves with practice.

Overcoming our negativity bias

Because we are wired to defend against threat and loss in life, we tend to prioritize bad over good. While this is a tidy survival mechanism for someone who needs to stay hyper vigilant in a dangerous environment, the truth is that for most of us, this “negativity bias” is counter-productive.

Our “negativity bias” means that we spend too much time ruminating over the minor frustrations we experience—bad traffic or a disagreement with a loved one— and ignore the many chances we have to experience wonder, awe, and gratitude throughout the day.

In order to offset this negativity bias and experience a harmonious emotional state, Fredrickson proposes that we need to experience three positive emotions for every negative one. This, she claims, can be done intentionally for those of us less “wired” to positivity.  These positive emotions literally reverse the physical effects of negativity and build up psychological resources that contribute to a flourishing life.

Karen Lawson


Sunday, February 4, 2024

11 Weird Things Covert Narcissists Do (and the Reasons Why)

11 Weird Things Covert Narcissists Do (and the Reasons Why) 

By Janey Davies, B.A. (Hons)

Posted on February 4, 2024
 
 



The world has two types of narcissists: overt and covert. They both crave attention and praise, but in different ways. The overt narcissist is grandiose exhibitionist, entitled and extroverted in their behavior. A covert narcissist feels unworthy, lacks confidence, is full of self-doubt, and is more introverted.

As a result, the covert narcissist is less easy to spot. Covert narcissists are shy and, therefore, subtle in their actions. Indeed, many of us won’t know them until we are in a close relationship with them. There are, however, weird things covert narcissists do which help us identify them.

11 Weird Things Covert Narcissists Do

1. They steal your thunder

One of the first weird things covert narcissists do is steal your thunder. A covert narcissist doesn’t brag about their so-called achievements the same way an overt narcissist does. Overt narcissists demand you pay attention to their latest story.

Covert narcissists like to piggyback or jump on your bandwagon with outrageous tales of their own. Whatever you tell them, they’ll top it with something more spectacular or entertaining. For instance, if you’ve ever donated to charity, they completed the Iron Man Challenge, raising thousands in the process.

2. They reveal their trauma early on

It doesn’t matter whether you are a friend, a potential love interest, or a colleague. Talking about trauma early in the relationship is another weird thing covert narcissists do.

They are extremely open about past traumatic events after a brief encounter. Covert narcissists have no problem recounting the most horrific details soon after meeting you. They do this to gain your sympathy and trust.

3. They have a weird way of apologizing

Narcissists don’t apologize because nothing is their fault. However, covert narcissists have a weird way of saying sorry. It’s often long-winded, revolves around them, and is a way of explaining their unacceptable behavior. They’ll discuss how their life’s traumas have shaped them.

Make no mistake, they’ll tear at your heartstrings. This is the point, of course. You’ll find the apology will be extremely harsh on their actions, forcing you to sympathize.

4. They won’t try anything new

We all have food we won’t eat, or music we don’t like, but we’re not afraid of trying something new to see if we like it. Covert narcissists refuse to try anything new.

They are picky about what they eat, the clothes they wear, the places they frequent, even sex. Everything must be perfect for them to have the usual vanilla sex, with absolutely no deviation.

5. They always put themselves down

Shame and self-loathing occupy the minds of covert narcissists, so they’ll never big themselves up like overt narcissists do. Instead, they’ll be self-deprecating in the hope you’ll build them up with compliments and messages of reassurance.

If you don’t get the hint when they put themselves down, supplying the desired response, they can explode in anger, with you wondering what on earth just happened.

6. But they portray themselves as saints

The covert narcissist is happy to tell you about all the times they helped someone. Donating money, volunteering, building, making, giving things away for friends, family or strangers. At first, they will impress you with their kindness and compassion. And, of course, helping others isn’t a red flag.

But as you get to know them, they’ll start complaining they are being taken for granted or not appreciated and the whole thing becomes a bit of a ‘poor me, I’m so good but so hard done by’.

7. They use ‘black and white’ thinking

One of the weird things covert narcissists do is use extreme language or ‘black and white’ thinking. For example, if something upsets them, you ‘always’ do this or you ‘never’ cared about them. The world is incredible or hellish. Women are amazing or mean b****s. There’s no grey area or nuance with a covert narcissist.

8. They hold on to the tiniest grudges

Something you have no recollection of becomes the focus of their rage in seconds. It’s as if they’ve kept notes of every tiny little thing you did wrong that upset them. Even if they said it was not a problem and they’ve moved on, clearly, they haven’t. They might pretend to be OK with something, only to bring it up again months, if not years later.

This behavior occurs during the devaluation phase of a relationship with a narcissist. This is a gaslighting technique designed to make you feel insecure. You try to placate the narcissist and your efforts result in a return to the idealization stage again.

9. They are happy/not happy for your success

You might expect your partner to be happy for your success, and in the beginning, they look as if they are. However, it will come at a cost. The enthusiasm first shown towards you soon fades into resentment, jealousy, and bitterness.

This is because covert narcissists are deeply envious of other people’s talents, achievements, etc. So, while at the start, they may seem like your greatest supporter, they’ll quickly become grumpy and sulk until the focus goes back on them.

10. They are experts in passive aggressive behavior

Lots of people are passive-aggressive. However, this is one of the main weird things covert narcissists do. Because of their low self-esteem, covert narcissists are afraid of direct confrontation.

So, they use passive aggressive techniques instead of dealing with a conflict. They’ll avoid talking face-to-face but are happy to engineer situations to put you in the wrong. For instance, they’ll deliberately tell you the wrong time to meet for dinner, then berate you for being late.

11. They like to accuse you of wrongdoing

Covert narcissists don’t like to fight, however, they will provoke arguments by accusing you of something you haven’t done. This is another form of gaslighting, designed to make you question your memory or reality. It won’t matter if you remain calm and level-headed.

In fact, that will infuriate them even more. They’ll accuse you of being a cold-hearted b**** if you refuse to engage with them.

Final Thoughts

As you can see, there are lots of weird things covert narcissists do, either to gaslight you, get your attention or sympathy, or simply to raise their self-esteem. If you have any experience with them, why not let us know?

References:

Janey Davies
 
 
Sub-editor & staff writer at Learning Mind
Janey Davies has been published online for over 10 years. She has suffered from a panic disorder for over 30 years, which prompted her to study and receive an Honours degree in Psychology with the Open University. Janey uses the experiences of her own anxiety to offer help and advice to others dealing with mental health issues.
 
Copyright © 2012-2024 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.
 

Tuesday, January 30, 2024

8 Phrases Fake People Use to Pretend to Be Nice

8 Phrases Fake People Use to Pretend to Be Nice

By Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

learning-mind.com

Posted on January 30, 2024
 




There are phrases fake people use to charm you. These words can sound incredibly genuine, so it’s important to familiarize yourself with some of those statements for your own protection.

I know there are fake people worldwide, but I live in the Southern U.S., where people are especially good at charming others. The phrases fake people use here are so charismatic that you’d swear Southerners in the United States are the nicest people. And yeah, there are some nice ones, but maybe not the ones you think.

And, like I said, there are fake people everywhere, people who use all sorts of phrases to get what they want.

A few phrases fake people use

Here’s the trick. You must listen carefully to the words that come out of people’s mouths. Watch their body language and their smile. Over time, you’ll be able to distinguish the real person from the façade. The phrases that fake people use come in many forms, so here are a few examples:

1. “Bless your heart”

I’m just going to go ahead and knock this one out. “Bless your heart”, especially when coming out of a U. S. Southerner’s mouth, is coated in sarcasm. Now, some really are trying to give you warm blessings, but most of them…meh, it’s questionable.

Sometimes this phrase is used to cover up the resentment and deep disgust the fake person is feeling. I know that’s a little harsh, but trust me, I’ve been on the receiving end of this phrase one too many times. It feels like they’re patronizing you.

2. “I like the way you think”

And I think this is hilarious. The truth of the matter is that there’s a good chance that they DO NOT like the way you think. They’re being passive-aggressive, honestly. Because most people who actually like the way your mind works wouldn’t say it like that. It’s just a vague statement that leaves you feeling confused.

3. “I hate drama”

Usually, when someone states that they hate drama, they are the first ones to cause drama. And they know this. They know they are probably the reason for whatever dramatic event is happening, and they’re just trying to clear themselves of the responsibility.

You will see a clear connection between their role in certain events and their impulsive use of this phrase.

4. “I was just joking”

I encountered the fake usage of this phrase many years ago. Yes, we can all joke around with friends and poke fun at them. But here’s the thing: fake people also use this phrase to smooth over their previous offensive statements.

For example, let’s say your “friend” insults you. Well, as soon as they see that they’ve offended you, they will start proclaiming that it was a joke. Guess what? It was not a joke, and they meant every word of it.

5. “I strive to put others before myself”

If you have to just say that to someone, then you’re probably not really putting others before yourself. In fact, you’re proclaiming that you do this “good deed”, and it’s probably for attention.

So, in truth, you’re actually striving to put yourself first by talking so much about how you help people and do selfless acts. It reminds me of those people who help others and take photographs every time they do it. Does this sound familiar?

6. “Wow! That’s interesting”

People can use this statement genuinely, and it can be utilized by fake people as well. It’s normal to find other people interesting, I get that. But, many times when someone says, “That’s interesting” when you’re talking, they just want you to shut up.

They may not find what you’re talking about all that interesting and may not ask any follow-up questions either. Maybe they’re trying to be nice, but they have no interest in the conversation. Either way, they’re being fake.

7. “It’s great to see you”

At first, this seems like such a genuinely nice thing to say, right? Some phrases fake people use can be identical to what a caring person would say. So, it’s always important to look at the phrase in context with the rest of the conversation or situation.

A fake person will say this but fail to continue with a pleasant conversation. In this case, they aren’t glad to see you. They couldn’t care less. It’s almost as if they’re a robot who’s programmed to give you a generic greeting.

8. “We should hang out sometime”

If you see someone you know in public and they say this, just know it might not be genuine. It’s another one of the typical phrases fake people use.

Fake people will act like they want to spend time with you, but in truth, they’re putting on a show for everyone else. Chances are, and those chances are good, they’ll never get back in touch with you until you see them in public again.

Beware of fake people

I know some of these seem hurtful and presumptuous of me, but like I said, examine them in context. Some people are genuinely happy to see you and will find your conversation interesting.

But to be able to tell the difference between fake and genuine people, you will need discernment and experience. Unfortunately, sometimes you have to go through being hurt before you learn.

So, my wish for you today is that you can see the truth without experiencing the pain. And again, pay attention to how they act and their body language as well as what they say.

I hope this helps you filter out the fake ones.. 


Sherrie Hurd

About the author:
 

Staff writer at Learning Mind
Sherrie Hurd is a professional writer and artist with over 20 years of experience. As a survivor of childhood trauma and multiple types of abuse, she is an advocate for mental health awareness. Sherrie manages multiple mental illnesses, including anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, and PTSD. With this background and personal experience, she strives to help others overcome trauma and abuse, cope with mental illness, and heal over time.

Copyright © 2012-2024 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.