Create a More Flexible Mind

Create a More Flexible Mind

By Leo Babauta

Posted on June 7, 2025

Most people become flustered or frustrated when things don’t go according to plan. I’ve felt this way myself — I have a plan for the day, and all kinds of things come up to get in the way of that plan, and it can feel really frustrating.

This is the result of a lack of flexibility in our mindset. It’s natural to have a lack of flexibility — we really want things to go according to our plan, it helps us to feel like we’re in control and there’s order to our lives. Unfortunately, we rarely have that kind of control or order, and that can be really tough.

So let’s talk about how to develop a flexible mind.

The Benefits of a Flexible Mind

Why have that kind of flexibility?

Here’s what I’ve noticed with a flexible mind:

• We can adapt more quickly when things don’t go according to plan
• We get less frustrated, and more focused on what needs to be done
• We can focus and be on task, even if things aren’t in the perfect state
• We’re able to flow better when circumstances are shifting quickly
• We spend less time preparing for what might happen and more time in the moment
• Things that freak others out are often not that big of a deal

I don’t mean that a flexible mindset will guarantee that you’ll always be calm, focused, and flowing … but those are some of the benefits I’ve seen through this kind of approach.

So now the question is how do we develop this kind of flexible mind?

How to Develop a Flexible Mind

The first step is to simply set an intention that you’re going to have a flexible approach to life. You might write the word “Flexible” or “Flow” on a note to yourself, to keep it front and center in your mind.

Second is to practice. When things change, can you let go of how you thought it should be? When someone acts in a way that would normally frustrate you, can you let go of how you think they should act and practice some acceptance? Can you flow with changes? You don’t have to be perfect at it, just think of these as skills to be practicing every day. Give them a try, and do your best.

Third, bring awareness to when your mind has a more rigid approach. The way to notice is when you get frustrated, flustered, or disappointed. These are not problems, but merely signs of your mind clinging and being rigid. When they happen, just pause, take a few breaths, let your emotions soothe for a minute. Then see if you can practice the flexibility: how can you let go of how you think things should be, and open to how things are? How can you flow with things?

That’s easier with some things than others. It might be easier to go with the flow for something not so important to you, but if you were really counting on something, it’s much harder. That’s OK — just do what you can. This isn’t about being perfect (that’s rigid thinking) but about practicing whenever you’re able.

Things will progress if you keep practicing. When you get frustrated or disappointed with yourself, notice these as signs of rigidity, and see if you can soothe your nervous system and let go of what you thought you should be doing. When you fall on your face, take a moment to reflect on what happened, bringing curiosity, so you can learn and understand better.

Over time, you’ll notice a better ability to let go and flow. You’ll still get annoyed, but maybe it’ll be not such a big deal anymore. You’ll be able to adapt when things change, and find some calm focus even when your circumstances are messy.

My wish for you is a life of flexibility and happiness.

with love,

Leo Babauta

Zen Habits

• https://zenhabits.net/

What to Do When You’re Triggered

What to Do When You’re Triggered

By Leo Babauta

Posted on May 6, 2025

Whether it’s personal relationships, rude people, or crazy things happening in the world … we all get emotionally triggered sometimes. We get frustrated, angry, hurt, shut down, and so on.

The question isn’t “will I ever get triggered?” … it’s “what can I do when I get triggered?” This will be a quick guide.

The first thing is to notice that you’re triggered — your nervous system is activated and you’re upset. A lot of people don’t notice. They just take action in an angry or panicky way, which doesn’t usually lead to the best outcomes. So if you can notice you’re triggered, you’ll be able to do something about it rather than being on autopilot.

Second, take a moment to pause. That might mean taking a moment to just sit still and breathe. Or if you’re in an argument with someone, take a time out for a bit. Get out of the situation if possible. If that’s not possible, then take a few deep breaths.

Third, deepen and slow the breath. This might sound obvious to some, but it’s notable that few people actually practice this when they’re triggered, because in that moment of nervous system activation, we forget. So take a moment and slow down the breath. Deepen it into the belly instead of just the upper chest (shallow breathing). This slower, deeper breathing will shift your nervous system out of fight-or-flight mode into a calmer mode.

Fourth, notice you’re caught in a narrative and probably an overreaction. You’re likely caught up in habitual thoughts about the other person, about yourself, or about the situation. “Why do they always have to do that?” and other thoughts like that. There’s nothing wrong with this narrative/thought pattern, but it’s probably an old pattern from long ago, and might not be the most helpful for you. Just realizing this is huge. It’s also good to realize that you’re likely reacting from some hurt from years past, and reacting from hurt is often an overreaction. There’s nothing wrong with overreacting when we’re hurt, but just realizing it is important.

Validate your feelings but don’t let them rule. Your feelings are your feelings — you’re not wrong for feeling them. Instead of telling yourself you shouldn’t be overreacting or you shouldn’t be upset … try acknowledging and validating your feelings. You can do that by just saying to yourself, “I’m upset. I’m hurt. And that’s OK, it makes complete sense to feel this way.” If you do that, you’ll allow your feelings to feel seen and acknowledged, and they can calm down a bit.

Find a healthy way to process your emotions and take a calmer action. Sometimes it can help to go for a walk, to vent to someone, to do some exercise to get the energy out, to scream into a pillow, or to soothe yourself. Once you’ve processed those emotions (don’t ignore them if you can), then find a calm action that will help yourself or the situation. For example, taking responsibility and apologizing can often help. Or sharing your feelings in a vulnerable way. Or speaking clearly but calmly about your boundaries. Or leaving the situation. What would be most helpful to everyone involved?

Leo Babauta

Zen Habits

• https://zenhabits.net/

When Your Cup is Empty

When Your Cup is Empty

By Leo Babauta

Posted on April 26, 2025

I’ve been talking to a lot of people lately who feel depleted, and not energized or motivated in the work they’re doing. They feel more irritated at others, and feeling like everything is a burden.

This is how it feels when your cup is empty. You’ve given a lot, you’ve served others, but now you’re feeling resentful or battered by it all.

How do we deal with this? Do we just power through? Do we give ourselves positive affirmations? Do we shut it all down and remove ourselves from society?

These are all reasonable ideas, but I don’t find any of them really work well. There’s another way — let’s talk about how to deal with this kind of situation.

Recognize You’re in This Place

If you don’t realize your cup is empty, you can’t do anything about it. So awareness is the most important step.

Here are some signs to look for:

• You’re feeling drained and exhausted
• You don’t feel motivated to do anything
• People irritate you more than usual
• Everything feels like a burden
• You’re feeling resentful for having to take care of others
• You don’t care about things as much as you normally do

First of all, there’s nothing wrong with feeling any of this! It’s a very human thing to feel, and a consequence of doing a lot in the world. Anyone who leads or serves will feel this sometimes.

So how do we deal with this? Let’s talk about some strategies.

Take Care of Yourself

The first thing to notice is that you’re feeling battered by the world, and very tender. Lots of people want to power through this, and force themselves to do something. Or they want to give up. Neither is that helpful.

Instead, take care of these battered and tender feelings:

1. Ask yourself what your inner rawness needs — some rest, space, deeper breath, compassion?
2. If needed, give yourself a bit of a break — some space and rest. Postpone some meetings, put some things off, let yourself recover.
3. Care about how you’re feeling rather than avoiding it. Start to act as if it’s OK to feel this way, and that it matters to you. Give yourself some love and compassion.

What kind of rest do you need? What kinds of comforting things would be helpful?

I find it helpful for myself if I create some space for rest by moving appointments and having a wide-open day or two. Then I take naps, go out in nature for walks, or get in some hugs from my wife and kids. Or do something fun. Or comforting: I like hot tea, a hot shower, cuddling and watching a movie, making vegan chocolate chip cookies.

How to Get Yourself to a More Open Place

Let’s say you did the two things above — recognize you’re in a battered and tender place, and do what you can to take care of yourself … now what?

What if you want to get yourself to a more open place, where you are lit up by your work and by life? Where you are excited to work with other people?

I don’t think it’s something that should be forced. We can’t force the heart to open.

That said, the heart will open when we’ve created the right conditions:

• You’ve cared about how you feel, and paid attention to it
• You’ve taken care of yourself, given yourself space, rest, breath, presence, love, nurturing, or whatever you need
• You do something heart-opening: gratitude, wonder, joy, love, compassion for others or yourself

These don’t have to be done all at once, nor are they sequential. You might give yourslef some rest first, then care about how you feel, then do something small that’s heart-opening, then repeat a few times in small doses.

In fact, I’d say small doses usually work best. Just a little of each, whatever feels good instead of what you should do.

Heart opening things include:

• Spending a few minutes thinking of 3 things you’re grateful for today
• Going on a wonder walk and letting yourself find awe in nature
• Sending a small love note to someone you care about
• Letting yourself do something fun and joyful (dancing, playing games, frolicking in the ocean)
• Feeling compassion for someone who is suffering

Don’t force yourself to do any of these things. Do them when they feel good.

One little step at a time, your heart will open. Then you’ll be ready to take on your inspired life.

​

with love,

Leo Babauta

Zen Habits

• https://zenhabits.net/

The Physics of Motivating Yourself

The Physics of Motivating Yourself

By Leo Babauta

Posted on February 22, 2025

Most people have only a hazy idea of how to motivate themselves. Getting ourselves to do something we know we want to do — a big project, exercise, etc. — can be really hard.

But actually, the way motivation works is pretty straightforward physics. We’re talking about things like force and inertia, not quantum mechanics.

Let’s take a look at how motivation works, so we can understand how to put it into effect.

Inertia vs. Energy

The first thing to understand is that there’s always an initial hurdle to overcome when you want to get started (or restarted) with something. If you are starting a new project or habit, there’s Inertia to overcome.

Even if you’re just trying to get started with your focus block for the day, you’ll face Inertia.

It’s important to simply recognize that there’s Inertia when we’re starting, and to recognize that it takes some Energy to overcome that.

If you’re low on Energy for any reason … that makes it harder to overcome the Inertia. Maybe you haven’t gotten good sleep, maybe you’ve been sick or taking care of someone, maybe you’ve been traveling, maybe you have a lot going on at work or in your personal life that’s draining your Energy. Whatever the reason, recognize that the Energy you have to overcome the Initial inertia is lower.

With all of that in mind, lower the bar to getting started — make it super easy. You just need to put your shoes on, you don’t need to run 3 miles. You just need to open your document, you don’t have to write 1000 words.

And find a way to get your Energy up, to overcome the Inertia. Make a promise to someone, do it with others, play some music, move your body, get some inspiration. Then direct the Energy to the smallest possible first step.

Fear vs. Possibility: Opposing Motivating Forces

Sometimes we’re motivated by Fear — the need to do something so we don’t let others down or get punished. But often Fear has a demotivating effect: we don’t want to fail or embarrass ourselves, so we procrastinate.

Fear is inevitable, if we allow ourselves to think of Possibility. Anyting that would be amazing — if I exercise I can get super healthy and fit, if I work on this project it could make a meaningful impact, if I pursue this goal it will change my life. This is Possibility.

We need Possibility to be motivated for the long-term — otherwise, we’re just pushing ourselves to do something we think we should do. That’s not very motivating. What’s the Possibility that lights up your heart?

When we let ourselves feel a big Possibility, we immediately feel an equal amount of Fear. They coexist equally. Most people then shut down the Possiiblity so they don’t have to feel the Fear. But that’s a life unfulfilled.

The way to work with this is to set aside the Fear and let ourselves get present to the Possibility that lights us up. Then to commit ourselves to it, and work with the Fear. Get present to the Fear as well, letting ourselves breathe deeply and soothing our nervous system. Then take the smallest next step.

A Structure & Community as Multipliers

If we have Possibility and Energy, we can mutiply them with two things:

• Structure: Energy dissipates if we don’t have Structure. Even if we’re able to increase our Energy and Possibility, without strong Structure it just spills out in all directions. We need to direct all of this with Structure — daily focus sessions, weekly planning and accountability sessions, monthly reviews. It can be fairly minimal, but we need to be committed to the Structure.
• Community: It’s hard to do things on our own. Having some kind of Community to be with you on the journey, to understand you and support you, is a multiplier of Possibility and Energy.

Don’t neglect these two elements if you want to stay motivated over the long term. We can get excited and inspired and be motivated for a day or three. But anything worthwhile will probably take longer, and for that, we need Structure and Community.

Fearless Mastery: What I’ve Created to Help

It can be confusing to find your way through all of these elements of motivation, even if they’re somewhat straightforward. To help, I’ve created Fearless Mastery 2025, my small group coaching and mastermind program.

Here’s how it helps with these elements of motivation:

1. We create Structure — weekly check-ins, weekly group calls, accountability partners, coaching sessions, a Demo Day each month for your project, and more.
2. It’s a Community — it’s a small group of fewer than 20 people, all working together for 8 months (starting March 4, 2025) to support each other’s meaningful projects.
3. Learn to work with Fear — a big part of the program is learning how to regulate your emotions so you can work masterfully with Fear when it shows up (and it will!).
4. Tactical steps — we help you find the tactical ideas needed to overcome Inertia and get started, every week and every day. That might take coaching along the way, as it’s hard to see on our own where we’re going wrong.

Leo Babauta

Zen Habits

• https://zenhabits.net/

The Sacred Moment of Resistance

The Sacred Moment of Resistance

By Leo Babauta | Source

Posted on January 18, 2025

Everyone has resistance to difficult tasks, conversations, and habits. It’s a moment when you feel like turning away from something … and then more often than not, you turn away from it.

This is a sacred moment. I’d love to share more.

In this moment of resistance, you’re simply feeling fear. You rarely recognize it as fear — it can feel like anxiety, dread, overwhelm, boredom, frustration. But at a deeper level, it’s simply fear.

If we go below the label of “fear” … it’s simply sensation in our bodies. It’s an experience. It’s the experience of being in the unknown.

This is a very human moment. It’s also a sacred moment, tender and vulnerable, when we are faced with possibility but also uncertainty.

What if we could slow down, in this moment, and just let ourselves experience the uncertainty, the unknown, the vulnerability, tenderness, possibility and fear?

What if we could breathe deeply, and just sit in that experience?

Then instead of turning away … we could turn towards. Find some gratitude for such a sweet, tender moment full of our humanity.

From there, we could continue to step into the unknown, and take action. Write a sentence, read a paragraph, make some kind of movement towards possibility. One movement at a time.

And we could even do so with love.

with love,

Leo Babauta

Zen Habits

• https://zenhabits.net/

When Your Mind Can’t Let Go

When Your Mind Can’t Let Go

By Leo Babauta | Source

Posted on January 18, 2025

Sometimes your mind can get fixated on something, and it just won’t let go. For some people, this happens a lot — sometimes more than they realize.

How can you tell if your mind won’t let go of something? Some signs:

• You won’t let go of an argument
• You’re known for always wanting to be right
• You replay conversations in your mind, arguing internally
• You stew over an offense for a long time
• You hold grudges
• You get frustrated a lot because things aren’t the way you like them
• People get tired of you complaining or being frustrated by the same things over and over
• You regret things strongly, and wish you could go back and redo key moments of your life
• You can’t forgive yourself for things you’ve done

A mind that fixates is a human thing, but if you’re unable to let go, your mind becomes more and more rigid.

And this can affect your relationships, your ability to focus on the present moment, and your happiness.

I’m not saying that this tendency to fixate the mind is a bad thing. There’s a strength to it, a protectiveness, a fire. But what if you want to have a more fluid mind, and let go? Maybe for a bit of peace of mind?

Let’s look at how to let go.

Why the Mind Fixates

Let’s start with why the mind fixates on something in the first place. Let’s assume it’s not because the mind hates your happiness, or is dumb.

The mind desires things the way it wants things to be — and that desire is completely natural. We want things the way we like them. The fixation comes when we get strongly attached to things being the way we want them to be.

Why would we become strongly attached? Because of fear — we’re afraid that if things aren’t the way we want them to be, then we won’t be OK.

For example:

• If I’m wrong about an argument, then my fear might be that people will think I’m dumb
• If I don’t defend myself against someone else’s criticism, then my fear might be that I’m not a good person (or won’t be seen as a good person)
• If I don’t hold on to a grudge or resentment, then my fear might be that people will just walk all over me and disrespect me
• If I am frustrated about things not being the way I want them, then my fear might be that if thing aren’t that way, I won’t have control over a scary situation

Do any of these sound familiar? Your mind’s fear might be in one of those. Or maybe there’s another fear — but it’s likely to be a fear that you won’t be OK for some reason.

How to Let Go

Knowing why our minds fixate — because of fear — might help us to understand how we can start to let go.

We have to first simply acknowledge the fear. We’re afraid we won’t be OK. That’s an understandable fear to have! It’s totally OK to have that fear, and to have a mind that’s fixated because of it.

Next, we might ask, “What does my fear need, in order to feel that I’ll be OK?” The first reaction might be: “I need things to be the way I want them to be!” Which is, of course, the belief underlying the mind’s tendency to attachment.

But what if you didn’t need things to be that way, in order to be OK? What if you could trust that you’ll be OK no matter how things turn out? See if you can imagine yourself being OK, even if you’re not right about things, even if someone thinks bad things about you, even if you do something embarrassing, even if things aren’t just the way you want them to be?

If you can believe in that … then what would your fear need to feel that you’ll be OK? For me, I simply need a deeper breath, a little presence, and a little love.

Then I don’t need for things to be any way.

How to Practice Letting Go

Let’s take all of that and put it into practice:

1. Notice when your mind is fixated. This will usually be accompanied by frustration, or an inability to let go of an argument or offense. And tightness in your body and mind. If all you do is notice this, you’ll be making huge progress.
2. Pause and acknowledge the fear. Breathe for a moment. Notice that your fear that you won’t be OK is causing you to be attached and tight. Notice that it’s frustrating you. Now simply acknowledge the fear, breathe, give it some presence and love.
3. Remind yourself that you’ll be OK no matter what. Start to develop a deep trust in your OK-ness, by reminding yourself that being right, or being offended, or having things your way … aren’t required for you to be OK. You can be OK no matter how things turn out. Trust in that.
4. Now let go. Breathe, and acknowledge that you could be wrong. Acknowledge that the other person might have had good intentions. Acknowledge that you don’t need things to be your way. Forgive the other person, or yourself. Feel how loving and open this is.

I don’t expect each of these steps to be easy. That’s OK, we don’t have to be attached to doing it right! Just practice. See what happens, with a mind that’s curious.

And then see what might happen if you let your mind release, and be fluid. See what kind of openness might come.

with love,

Leo Babauta

Zen Habits

https://zenhabits.net/

Learning to Surf the Uncertainty of Life

Learning to Surf the Uncertainty of Life

By Leo Babauta

Posted on October 7, 2023

When things are changing rapidly, and an overwhelming number of things are coming at you, it can be tough to navigate.

Anyone who is up to anything big will have a lot going on. Lots of emails and messages, lots of tasks, lots of meetings and calls, lots of things changing every day. Lots of uncertainty.

How do we navigate the uncertainty of all of this?

The visual metaphor that works for me is surfing. I’m going to talk about how to surf uncertainty, and how to learn to surf uncertainty.

Surf Uncertainty

What we really want is a simple, straightforward path. No uncertainty, no tough decisions, nothing overwhelming. Simple, clear, easy path.

But life is full of uncertainty, and full of abundance. That’s what makes it so beautiful!

So I like to imagine life as an ocean, full of unpredictable waves. If I were a surfer (I’m not), I wouldn’t curse the overwhelming number of waves … I’d be psyched that there are waves! That’s what I’m here for.

And I wouldn’t moan about how unpredictable the waves are — that’s what makes it fun!

So the way I might approach the uncertainty of waves is:

• Relish a new wave coming my way
• Jump on the surf board as the wave approaches, reading the wave as best I can
• Have a direction I’d like to go, but …
• Also navigate the wave as it breaks, learning to go with what I’m given
• Try again if I’m knocked off

This applies to my life, of course. Each day is a new wave, and the opportunity is to get excited by it, jump on and ride it, set a direction but also flow with what comes up.

The attitude is one of ease and acceptance of uncertainty and change, with determination toward a direction that I’ve chosen. There’s trust in myself to be able to navigate change.

What would that be like for you, if you approached every day with this relaxed but determined attitude toward the uncertainty of your life?

How to Learn to Surf Uncertainty

This kind of uncertainty surfing takes practice. It’s not as simple as saying, “OK, just surf and be relaxed and flow!” That might have some immediate impact, but long-term impact will mean practice.

The most important place to practice is at our edge â€” where things aren’t so easy, but also not so challenging that it feels too impossible. Where is your edge right now? Maybe it’s chaotic mornings, maybe it’s taking on a challenging project, maybe it’s around difficult conversations.

Then when you find this edge, notice that you’re feeling uncertainty. How are you relating to that uncertainty, and the resistance and fear that come up in uncertainty? Do you hate it, wish you didn’t feel it? What do you try to do from that uncertainty? How does it feel? Bringing curiosity like this gives you awareness and the opportunity to work with it.

Now when you notice the uncertainty, see if you can take a “surf with ease and flow” approach. How can you make this easy? How can you flow in the direction you’d like? How can it be fun, with determination?

Play with it! See what you can create. Bring some lightness to it, without harshness.

Then as you practice, notice that changes aren’t necessarily anything to stress about, but simply something to flow with.

How can you still go in the direction you want as you flow?

How can this be the most amazing moment, this moment of change and flow?

 

Leo Babauta

http://zenhabits.com/