You Come Across As Rude If You Use These 6 Phrases

You Come Across As Rude If You Use These 6 Phrases

By Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

learning-mind.com

Posted on July 21, 2024

 

Did you know that if you use certain words, you may come across as rude? That’s right. So, it’s always important to think twice before speaking.

Most people aren’t trying to intentionally come across as rude, but they often end up saying something regretful. People make mistakes. It’s important to note that certain figures of speech may sound mean when used in a particular context.

You see, helpful communication requires more than just the ability to say what you think. In fact, communication is an art, easy for some, but difficult for others.

Be careful not to come across as rude

Yes, it is important to evaluate every word before speaking. This lowers the risk of saying something that may be misunderstood.

Trust me, I am an expert in shoving my foot in my mouth and coming off as rude. It’s easy to do, and that’s why you should always carefully mull over those quick-witted statements you’re getting ready to fire. Here are a few examples of phrases that may come off as being rude.

1. “Calm down”

While this may not sound all that rude at face value, saying this to someone can be condescending. In a way, it invalidates what someone may be going through. Instead of saying “Calm down”, maybe it would be better to just listen. Yes, your intentions may not be to upset them, but inadvertently, that’s what could happen.

2. “It is what it is”

This is an interesting one, seeing as I’ve often said it. However, I will need to think twice before saying this again, now don’t you think? With a little research, I’ve discovered that saying this is simply a substitute for telling someone to stop complaining.

It’s a statement of finality, that whatever the situation is, you cannot change it. It’s rude, and it’s insensitive.

3. “Yeah, right”

This is a phrase that’s easy to say. Many times we say this in conversations, not understanding its implications. It’s usually used as a loose form of sarcasm and used flippantly.

But although you may not mean anything hurtful by the statement, it can come across as rude. It’s also a condescending figure of speech that makes you look and sound like a jerk. Although it may be easy to throw this one out there, consider holding it back.

3. “I’m sorry you feel that way”

Instead of apologizing, many people just say this instead, and it can be so offensive. And why is it so bad, you might ask?

Well, it’s a way to keep from apologizing and to retain a sense of innocence. You’re basically placing the blame on someone else for what you’ve done. So, instead of saying this, maybe just craft a well-worded apology, and mean it when you say it.

4. “That’s so cute”

Unless you compliment someone on what they’re wearing or how they look, saying “That’s cute” may not be the best move to make. This is especially true if the other person is doing something serious or trying to solve a problem.

Telling them they are being cute can come off as rude. When you do this, you downplay the efforts of others and call them silly or childlike. You’re also insinuating that you could do a much better job.

5. “I thought you’d know this”

This or a similar phrase is seen often in the workplace. Although people work at different paces, it is common to hear this type of criticism. And no, it’s not constructive criticism. It actually can come off as rude.

Never assume that just because you can accomplish a particular task, everyone else will be able to do the same thing in the same amount of time. And never say this phrase as a way to make things easier. It doesn’t.

6.“I told you so”

And the last one is a well-known phrase we’ve all been guilty of using. Saying, “I told you so” is just a way to make fun of someone for a mistake and let them know that you were right. It’s a way to express how you think you’re better than they are.

No, it’s not funny. It doesn’t even have a good intention attached to it either.

How to not come across as rude

Now that you’re familiar with a few rude phrases, you can transform your vocabulary to uplift others. It’s smart to practice being a better human, using kind and genuine phrases. Remember to steer clear of condescending statements and think before you speak, using introspection to filter your responses.

If someone is targeting you with rude statements, it’s okay to let them know you’re uncomfortable with what they say to you. Set verbal boundaries and stick with them.

No one will respect and love you in the same way that you love yourself. Keep this in mind. It is up to you to stand up for yourself and set the standard for how you want to be treated.

I wish you all the best in your endeavors.

Sherrie Hurd

About the author:

 

Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

Staff writer at Learning Mind
Sherrie Hurd is a professional writer and artist with over 20 years of experience. As a survivor of childhood trauma and multiple types of abuse, she is an advocate for mental health awareness. Sherrie manages multiple mental illnesses, including anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, and PTSD. With this background and personal experience, she strives to help others overcome trauma and abuse, cope with mental illness, and heal over time.

Copyright © 2012-2024 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

7 Painful Signs You Are Being Taken for Granted in a Relationship

7 Painful Signs You Are Being Taken for Granted in a Relationship

By Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

learning-mind.com

Posted on July 12, 2024

 

No one deserves to be taken for granted. Unfortunately, situations arise where one person uses the other, so it’s smart to recognize the signs.

Have you ever wondered if another person was taking you for granted? Well, the truth is, if you’re wondering about it, chances are, it’s probably true.

Sometimes people ignore and neglect others unknowingly, but some do it intentionally. You see, some individuals care more about what you can do for them than you as a person.

Signs you’re being taken for granted

Some may notice that they are being taken for granted right away. This is true for many who’ve been in unhealthy and toxic relationships before. For those who aren’t aware at first, there are several painful signs that you are being taken for granted.

In many cases, the victims who feel used may not notice what’s happening. This is usually due to initial love-bombing. I can attest to that, as I didn’t have a clue what love bombing was until I was victimized. But, after a while, the signs started to add up. My partner didn’t really care about me the way they professed.

1. Selfishness

We can all be selfish sometimes, and that’s okay. But when you’re being taken for granted, you’ll notice that the person you thought was in your corner only reached out to you when they needed something.

It may feel like you’re wanted and needed at that moment, but over time, you’ll understand the truth. Pay attention to whether they want to spend time with you or if there are other motives. This reveals their true intentions.

2. Lack of appreciation

One sign of a healthy relationship is showing appreciation for one another. The lack of support in a friendship or relationship is a sign that something is wrong.

It could indicate that you’re being taken for granted by someone you care about. What makes this difficult to notice is having low self-esteem. If you struggle to appreciate yourself, it’s easier for others to take advantage of you.

3. Boundary disrespect

Let’s talk about boundaries. These are your personal property lines that protect who you are and what you stand for – even protection against things you’d rather not tolerate.

One sign that you’re being taken for granted is when a friend or partner constantly pushes against your boundaries. This is a red flag that this person does not respect you. They’re probably using you and attempting to manipulate your basic beliefs and standards.

4. Little involvement

In a relationship where you’re being taken for granted, there will be little involvement from your partner. They won’t really be that interested in your achievements or your goals. They also will not care about whether you’re involved in their lives either.

They’ve become so accustomed to your background existence in their life, so they just assume that the things you do aren’t important. They just assume you’ll always be around, and what you do or what you enjoy is no concern of theirs.

5. They do not pull their weight

You’ll know that you’re being taken for granted when your partner doesn’t seem to put in the same amount of work. Also, when you seem to be paying most of the bills and the majority of the appointments, this is another sign.

In a healthy relationship, each partner strives to take on an equal amount of responsibilities. Do you always pay for things? Are you always the one to clean and cook? If so, these are signs that your partner could indeed be taking you for granted.

6. You are not a priority

They may be your priority, but if you are being taken for granted, you are not their priority. And yes, your partner has a life and many other things of importance to intend to.

But if you aren’t at the top of that list, then something is wrong. They’re not keeping commitments, they’re constantly canceling dates and other important events. It’s just clear that your needs don’t matter to them. They have other priorities that they’ve set above you.

7. Nothing is good enough

One sign you will notice over time is that nothing you do is ever good enough for them. Even if everyone else notices your achievements and improvements, they will downplay these good things.

You see, it’s not in their best interests for you to have the spotlight. People who manipulate others in this manner are only interested in their accomplishments and goals.

Always recognize your worth

Not to sound self-centered or anything, but choose yourself and take care of yourself first. That’s right. How can you recognize nefarious actions if you cannot love yourself correctly, which includes putting your needs first? Without proper self-love, the things toxic people say will sound true.

Also, you cannot properly love another person without first loving yourself, including learning to recognize a lack of appreciation.

So, take these signs and adjust accordingly. You deserve that.

Featured image by freepik

Sherrie Hurd

About the author:

 

Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

Staff writer at Learning Mind
Sherrie Hurd is a professional writer and artist with over 20 years of experience. As a survivor of childhood trauma and multiple types of abuse, she is an advocate for mental health awareness. Sherrie manages multiple mental illnesses, including anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, and PTSD. With this background and personal experience, she strives to help others overcome trauma and abuse, cope with mental illness, and heal over time.

Copyright © 2012-2024 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

7 Struggles Unloved Sons Have Later in Life

7 Struggles Unloved Sons Have Later in Life

By Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

learning-mind.com

Posted on February 26, 2024

 

Adult men struggle in many ways due to being unloved as a child. These issues can range from minor to completely unbearable, adding anxiety and toxic behavior to the ordinary stressors of life.

There are many forms of childhood mistreatment, including physical and mental abuse. However, it doesn’t seem like we’ve analyzed childhood neglect properly.

Neglect can be intentional and unintentional. First off, you could be a man who experience neglect as a child, but it was only due to the immature parenting and selfishness of your family. Then again, you could have experienced intentional neglect and a lack of basic love.

Unloved sons and their difficulties

Being unloved as a child can be devastating in adulthood. Relationships, jobs, and friends can all be affected by your past. It’s important to understand where certain feelings come from – your roots – but it is also important to recognize the cause of your present struggles. So, what are some struggles that unloved sons deal with in adulthood?

1. Drawn to toxicity

Unloved sons struggle with toxic relationships in adulthood. You see, they subconsciously seek out unhealthy partnerships because they are familiar with the traits exhibited by the object of their affection. These traits resemble some of the same characteristics that they experienced from their caregivers in childhood.

The brain recognizes patterns and follows these patterns because it seems ‘normal’ and familiar. The brain of an unloved son matches memory with outside stimuli. In layman’s terms, men seek the same form of relationship that they had in childhood, which was also unhealthy. Until they recognize the pattern and understand its harmful, it will repeat.

2. Depression and anxiety

It’s not surprising that men with depression or anxiety have a history of being neglected as a child. Being neglected and unloved as a child, and not healing from this, can cause severe negative feelings that lead to depression. It can also cause unwarranted fears and anxious behaviors, as unloved sons are constantly afraid of being neglected again.

3. Trust issues

If you were an unloved son, you probably struggle with trust issues. Every time you’re asked to trust someone, it feels almost impossible to do so.

Let’s consider this: your own mother, father, or other family members couldn’t even cultivate a healthy attachment with you. And so, they couldn’t be trusted to love you unconditionally. And so, in adulthood, trusting another individual with other things can be one of the most difficult tasks in the world.

4. Codependency issues

Suffering from neglect in childhood can cause severe codependency issues as an adult. You see, codependency is when you feel like you cannot function properly unless you’re attached to another person. And this is not a healthy attachment, it’s an obsessive type of attachment, as you’re trying to develop a strong bond that you didn’t have as a child.

Unfortunately, this attempt at bonding goes overboard creating strong codependency – you base every aspect of your life according to another person.

5. Feeling isolated

Some men choose to be alone, and that’s perfectly fine. However, there are others who isolate themselves because they believe forming bonds is impossible. This means having few to no friends, staying away from family members, and never getting romantically involved.

It’s kind of the opposite reaction to codependency. Instead of becoming overly attached, isolated men believe that since they were unloved in childhood, they are better off alone in adulthood. While introversion is not unhealthy, isolation can be. This is because there are different motivations and reasons behind these choices.

6. Insecurity

Men struggle with insecurity, sometimes on chronic levels.

Due to the absence of love in childhood, a boy’s self-esteem can drop so low that they develop narcissistic behaviors well before adulthood. This continues to develop into a false sense of security. This faux security serves as a mask to cover true insecurities developed from neglect. This type of insecurity can manifest in lying, anger, and deception, causing problems at work and in relationships.

7. Fear of failure

When sons are unloved, they grow up feeling like they’ve failed their families. So, to avoid further failures, they tend to exhibit strange traits. Fear of failure, when it comes to men, manifests as ‘playing it safe’, where instead of taking risks, these individuals only do what’s easy.

Fear of failure also manifests in ‘shifting of blame’, where they are never willing to take responsibility for their actions or mistakes. A man who suffered from neglect feels that if he admits to making a mistake, he will be unloved again. This cannot happen.

Unloved sons can become unloved men

Unfortunately, the struggles of adult men who were neglected as children can hurt them in permanent ways. Personality disorders are common results of childhood trauma, and these disorders can further isolate men from others.

The negative traits that arise from some of these struggles can drive others away and cause monumental damage. Adults who do not seek help for these issues will believe their own lies and decline rapidly as a result of their struggles.

If caught in childhood, the scars of neglect can be reversed. Just keep in mind, that the longer a son goes unloved, the more likely the man will become intolerable and miserable in adulthood.

Let’s put a stop to childhood neglect.

Sherrie Hurd

About the author:

 

Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

Staff writer at Learning Mind
Sherrie Hurd is a professional writer and artist with over 20 years of experience. As a survivor of childhood trauma and multiple types of abuse, she is an advocate for mental health awareness. Sherrie manages multiple mental illnesses, including anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, and PTSD. With this background and personal experience, she strives to help others overcome trauma and abuse, cope with mental illness, and heal over time.

Copyright © 2012-2024 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

8 Signs Someone Hates You Secretly

8 Signs Someone Hates You Secretly

By Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

learning-mind.com

Posted on June 8, 2024

 

If someone hates you secretly, they will act in a much different way. Unlike people who blatantly dislike you, they will be a bit more covert in their actions and words.

The only thing worse than being outright hated is when someone hates you secretly. It’s worse because, sometimes their actions aren’t noticed by other people, much like with a narcissist.

Many people who secretly hate others are narcissists. Behaviors such as this are draining and can damage your self-esteem. Worst of all, they will leave you feeling confused.

Signs someone hates you secretly

While individuals who don’t like you may not yell or insult you outright, they will resort to devious behaviors. They will make sure you’re aware of how they really feel. To understand how this works and see the big picture, here are a few signs that someone hates you secretly.

1. They cannot compliment you

Someone who hates you secretly is fake. Considering compliments are acts of praise that let someone know you care about them, this doesn’t match with the hater’s mindset. In fact, your noticeable good qualities may be what makes someone secretly hate you.

Yeah, they’re not going to bring attention to your good points, so you’ll know.

2. They throw shade

In case you’re wondering what that means, let me fill you in. Throwing shade is kind of like the opposite of a compliment, except it’s not a blatant insult. Shade tends to be negative connotations veiled in subtle expressions or comments. It’s a sidelong insult.

An example would be the “side eye”, which is often used by unhealthy cliques known for excluding anyone different.

3. They use passive aggression

Someone who hates you secretly, as I’ve mentioned before, will not be outwardly aggressive in their remarks or actions. This individual will use passive aggression with snide remarks or fake comments, and you’ll know they’re taking jabs at you.

Other people may not notice the aggression like you do, and that’s normal. When it comes to being passive aggressive, the point is to show dislike only to the object of your disdain.

4. Baseless disagreement

It’s okay to disagree with someone. Don’t get me wrong. But when someone hates you secretly, they will disagree with you for no logical reason. It could be obvious that you said the correct thing, but they will say you’re wrong, anyway.

It seems the only way for this person to express their frustration is to argue with you. And you may have no clue why they’re doing this.

5. They aren’t happy for you

When you’re successful at something or achieve a goal, they aren’t happy for you. People who like you will celebrate your life and truly care for you. It will be obvious that someone hates you secretly when they refuse to acknowledge the good things you do.

I know this can be hard to accept, but the sooner you do, the sooner you can move on to someone who truly cares about you.

6. You’re being excluded

What I’m about to say may not apply to everyone. But do you remember being excluded in school by certain cliques of people? Yeah, well, I do. There was always this group of people who seemed closed off from others.

Here’s the interesting part: many times, they pretended to be kind and good listeners, but they were really hateful toward particular people. If you feel like you’re being excluded by someone, and it’s reminiscent of high school, you could be seeing secret hatred. While not all groups are like this, unfortunately, many are.

7. They spread rumors about you

It’s so hurtful when someone spreads a rumor about you, and more so, excruciating when you think it’s your friend doing this. Let me break it to you.

You’re being secretly hated by the one person you thought was there for you. But instead of supporting you, they’re going behind your back and spreading rumors. If you hear that your friend has done this, it’s a huge sign that they may not like you as much as you thought. In fact, they may hate you.

8. They vilify you

A step further from spreading rumors is making other people hate you, too. This is the whole objective. If someone hates you secretly, they will want others to hate you. But they want to make sure you look like the villain first, so it’s “well-founded” hatred.

This is probably the most diabolical thing that they do to you. Not only are you on this hater’s poop list, but you’re also being hatred by others for no reason at all.

So, what can you do with this information?

Well, if you figure out that you’re being secretly hated, it’s best to cut all ties with this person. You know what kind of individual you are, and their presence damages you. To live a full life and enjoy the company of real friends, you must sever ties with the fake ones.

Consider these signs and ask yourself, “Am I being secretly hated by someone?” If so, I hope you have a smooth process of cleaning out your circle.

Featured image by karlyukav on Freepik

Sherrie Hurd

About the author:

 

Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

Staff writer at Learning Mind
Sherrie Hurd is a professional writer and artist with over 20 years of experience. As a survivor of childhood trauma and multiple types of abuse, she is an advocate for mental health awareness. Sherrie manages multiple mental illnesses, including anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, and PTSD. With this background and personal experience, she strives to help others overcome trauma and abuse, cope with mental illness, and heal over time.

Copyright © 2012-2024 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

Top 7 Most Toxic Relationship Patterns You Want to Avoid

Top 7 Most Toxic Relationship Patterns You Want to Avoid

By Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

learning-mind.com

Posted on April 27, 2024

 

Toxic relationship patterns differ from toxic actions. These repetitive behaviors are present in unhealthy relationships, and the patterns reveal truths.

The toxic personality is a complex entity on its own, presenting various negative behaviors. When operating within a relationship, this personality style is amplified. Repeated toxic behavior reinforces control, power, and manipulation. It builds patterns that strengthen its poisonous foundation.

Toxic relationship patterns to avoid

Most of the time, toxic relationship patterns include mutually toxic individuals. Toxic relationships actually go through three stages: idealizing, devaluing, and discarding.

There are many signs of a toxic relationship, including jealousy, manipulation, control issues, and gaslighting. Yes, there are more signs than that too. However, toxic relationship patterns must also be recognized when taking notes, introspecting, or recognizing numerous red flags. Here are a few to look out for.

1. Demand/withdrawal

This pattern looks normal to many people. It’s the classic “crying wife” and “silent husband” image that comes to mind. Of course, this applies to any relationship dynamic; one partner is nagging while the other seems cold.

And these actions, when repeated, create a toxic relationship pattern. It’s a situation where nothing really gets resolved and control remains firmly with one partner while the other continues to suffer.

2. Jealousy and insecurity

While some people find jealousy cute, it’s not. One of the most common patterns in toxic relationships is the duo of jealousy and insecurity. One cannot survive without the other.

If you’re constantly worried about your partner cheating on you, then it may be time to find another partner instead of bickering about these issues.

Living a life like this will destroy your self-worth and create emotional scars to carry to the next relationship. It’s best to deal with this sooner than later, by recognizing this toxic relationship pattern.

3. Frequent aggression

One of the most dangerous toxic relationship patterns is frequent anger or outbursts. This is also one of the most common features. Living with someone who has frequent aggressive behaviors makes life unpredictable and stressful.

This anger may not be directed toward the partner at the beginning of the relationship. But as commitments are made, aggression becomes more intertwined with the relationship itself. Aggression comes with threats of leaving, accusations about things you didn’t do, and an inability to communicate properly.

4. Don’t adhere to rules

One toxic relationship pattern involves not being able to submit to authority. This includes your boundaries in a relationship. If you’re in a union with someone who keeps disregarding the rules you’ve set for yourself, beware. This is a sign of something much worse.

They will think everything they decide to do is perfect, but will never respect your decisions. A toxic person who has patterns like this will never think the rules apply to them. Behavior such as this often leads to public embarrassment and even aggression.

5. Lack of empathy

A lack of empathy is more than just the inability to feel for others, it’s also the inability to feel one’s sadness. This toxic relationship pattern makes it almost impossible for partners to apologize to each other.

It seems one cannot take the blame for actions that upset the other. It is also quite difficult for partners to see each other’s perspective or feel sorry for things that happened. The lack of empathy is a pattern that leaves those in toxic relationships feeling empty.

6. Manipulation

Gaslighting is one of the most notable forms of toxic manipulation often observed in relationships. If their significant other can convince one partner that they are crazy, then manipulating them is easier.

But there are many other forms of manipulation, including control, playing the victim, and even silent treatment. Toxic relationship patterns are built on a foundation of manipulation, making all other actions much easier to use.

7. Deception

Lies are common with toxic relationship patterns. Oh, and beware of the “little white lies” These count too! You see, lies are sometimes the glue that keeps this debacle going.

Partners who lie to each other get used to being in a relationship that lacks trust. They easily use each other, deceiving and pretending that everything is fine… until it’s not. You will want to avoid someone who seems to think this sort of behavior is normal. And trust me, many people live like this every day.

Toxic relationship patterns: Help!

If you’ve found yourself in a toxic relationship, take heed. You’ll want to change things before you or your partner have developed negative patterns.

While it is possible to change, cultivating a healthy relationship together, it’s not always the best avenue. Some people aren’t interested in being better human beings and considering other perspectives. Many people are set in their ways, carrying emotional baggage from decades before.

To save yourself from toxic relationship patterns, study these patterns above to learn what’s unhealthy and what’s best for you. You cannot fix another person, nor would you want to try. It’s best to remember your self-worth and prioritize this over others. After all, you cannot help others until you first help yourself.

However, if your partner is willing to seek professional help with you, there may be hope. If you are in a toxic relationship, there are many places available online or by phone to give you expert advice. I leave you with love and positive vibes for your journey of improvement.

Be blessed.

Sherrie Hurd

About the author:

 

Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

Staff writer at Learning Mind
Sherrie Hurd is a professional writer and artist with over 20 years of experience. As a survivor of childhood trauma and multiple types of abuse, she is an advocate for mental health awareness. Sherrie manages multiple mental illnesses, including anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, and PTSD. With this background and personal experience, she strives to help others overcome trauma and abuse, cope with mental illness, and heal over time.

Copyright © 2012-2024 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

9 Phrases Master Manipulators Say to Play with Your Mind

9 Phrases Master Manipulators Say to Play with Your Mind

By Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

learning-mind.com

Posted on May 27, 2024

 

A master manipulator is experienced in the art of control. Utilizing certain maneuvers, these dangerous individuals can leave wounds that are hard to heal.

We talk of manipulation and control quite often, including examples of them in lists of how to recognize a narcissist. We learn techniques for disarming toxic vibes and vampiric energies, as they exist in the people we love.

But to perfect what we know, we must consider the master manipulator, someone who thrives on retaining control at all times.

Phrases master manipulators say

Master manipulators utilize behaviors as well as speaking. They use an interesting placement of words to throw you off guard. I will tell you about a few of these phrases, so you can better understand how the manipulator operates.

1. “I’m just joking”

This phrase, in itself, isn’t really that manipulating. Many people poke fun at their friends and declare they are joking. But there’s a certain usage of this phrase that implies that you might be overreacting.

For instance, if a friend often makes negative statements, and then says, “I’m just joking”, or “Why can’t you take a joke”, this could be a clue. Maybe they aren’t joking. Maybe they’re just insulting you to bring you down.

2. “Remember when”

Have you ever had that one friend who constantly brought up the mistakes you made in the past? Yes, it’s the one who likes to talk about how you lost your temper and embarrassed yourself, or something of that nature.

The point is that an individual who has played your insecurities by bringing up the past understands your value and wants to destroy it. Watch out for this phrase and this person.

3. “You’re different from the others.”

This phrase may sound positive to you, but think of it differently for a moment. A master manipulator, to solidify control, will use isolation. They will disguise isolation techniques as compliments. So, it may take you a while to see what they’re doing.

Pay attention to a similar phrase, “I know more about you than anyone else”. This statement is a huge red flag.

4. “Why are you so upset?”

A master manipulator will make you question yourself, but not in a healthy way. I’m not talking about introspection, oh no, it’s about that popular word, “gaslighting”.

No one should be able to invalidate your feelings, memories, actions, or words. You know what you did, you know what you said. And you most certainly know how you feel. Never get in your head that deep.

5. “If you loved me, you’d do it”

A person who uses manipulation correctly will know about emotional blackmail. Maybe they’ve even perfected it. Emotional blackmail includes the act of guilt-tripping you into doing something you might otherwise not want to do.

It’s okay if you can’t or won’t help someone; most of the time, there’s a reason. Never let another person make you feel guilty about your decisions. Yes, I said it.

6. “You owe me”

This is a phrase you’ll hear often from the master manipulator. It’s sometimes used in conjunction with “remember when”. This statement requests a payback for past debts of some sort.

So, not only are you possibly being gaslit about something, but you’re also feeling pressure to repay them, often with apologies for some wrongdoing. When you are guilty of doing something wrong, it’s still abusive to be continually harassed.

7. “I feel the same way”

This phrase can be used in both negative and positive ways. The manipulator will use this statement when mirroring you. When you first meet them, you may notice just how much you have in common. But over time, you could learn that much of this first impression was a lie.

To control you, the master manipulator agrees with almost everything you say. Meanwhile, they will tell someone else something different.

8. “You were lucky”

Isn’t it strange how the statement, “You were lucky” sometimes means you didn’t accomplish something in your human effort? I bet you never really paid attention to the insult hidden there.

We often get told about our luck and we are happy to hear that. Is it possible that your loved one who says “you were lucky” secretly despises your good fortune? I just think it’s wise to analyze that statement a bit further to see the truth.

9. “I have what you need.”

This is an interesting statement, as it implies that the manipulator is a savior or saint. They want you to believe that all the things you lack in life can be found in them. They also want you to think that they are your only good option when it comes to a best friend or partner.

This is seen often with infidelity. The manipulator will try to convince you that they are better than your current partner.

Watch out for manipulation

It’s not always easy to recognize manipulative behavior. True meanings hide behind flowery language designed to fool us. It is important to be able to catch these statements before their effects take root and damage our self-worth. Trust me, they can cause so much damage.

So, always be alert to the intentions of others so you understand what they want. This will reduce the risk of being hurt. I hope you’ve found value in this information and can use it to improve your life. I know it’s been a big help for me.

Sherrie Hurd

About the author:

 

Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

Staff writer at Learning Mind
Sherrie Hurd is a professional writer and artist with over 20 years of experience. As a survivor of childhood trauma and multiple types of abuse, she is an advocate for mental health awareness. Sherrie manages multiple mental illnesses, including anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, and PTSD. With this background and personal experience, she strives to help others overcome trauma and abuse, cope with mental illness, and heal over time.

Copyright © 2012-2024 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us. 

 

8 Things Emotional Vampires Do to Feed Off Your Energy

I 8 Things Emotional Vampires Do to Feed Off Your Energy

By Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

learning-mind.com

Posted on April 12, 2024

 

Emotional vampires are parasitic humans that drain empaths and other sympathetic types of individuals. You’ll know them by their patterns and habits. There are certain things emotional vampires do to feed off your energy.

If you thought vampires from books and movies were terrifying, there are worse things than those monsters. I’ve often said that physical ailments just can’t hold a candle to emotional pain. If you’ve ever encountered an emotional vampire, you might agree with me.

The emotional vampire brings anxiety, depression, and confusion, and worsens existing struggles, both physical and mental. Their arsenal of pain is pretty impressive.

Things emotional vampires do

If you aren’t familiar with emotional vampires, that’s fine. It took me years to understand this type of psychological warfare. And I am still learning the signs and how to deal with them effectively.

However, there are a few things I can share about emotional vampires and the things they do to feed off your energy. Check these out, make a list, and protect yourself… please.

1. Immobilization

When you’re affected by a toxic person such as this, you may feel immobilized. This means, for a little while, it may be difficult to separate from the emotions induced by their presence.

These strange feelings are similar to symptoms of anxiety or PTSD, including not being able to do things you enjoy, feeling frozen, or experiencing physical issues. Immobilization can leave you with your palms sweaty, heart racing, and nausea.

2. Competitiveness

Do you know what it means to “one-up” someone? This is one of the things emotional vampires do. Well, you see, energy-type vampires that prey on emotions will always try to do better than someone who’s just achieved something.

It’s not okay that you’ve won something or completed a difficult assignment (oh, no!). An emotional vampire must do better than you. It’s a way to keep you on a lower level so that they can feel superior.

3. Disorientation

The emotional vampire can leave you feeling disoriented after being with them. This type of drain is recognized by manipulative speech patterns. They will talk in circles, sounding as if they’re saying something very important.

In truth, they are weaving a web to confuse you, leaving you with more questions than answers. The real power behind this is the ability to convince you that you’ve confused yourself.

4. Criticism

Do me a favor and never ask a toxic person what they think about your latest article or painting. They will always find something wrong with it. And why, you might ask. Well, it’s just not okay for them if you do something awesome on your own. It’s never going to be okay, and I bet you’ll rarely hear the words: “Well done“.

5. Playing the victim

Emotional vampires attach themselves to you with their victimhood. When you offer advice or positive insight, they counter with “but” statements. Nothing is ever good enough to solve their presented problems, it seems.

And, the most unfortunate part of this situation is that you come away from them feeling drained, hence the vampire aspect. Yes, victims are real, but usually, they grow into survivors and push through. However, the emotional vampire would rather remain in victimhood to continue feeding. It serves a toxic satiation.

6. Controlling behavior

A person using toxic strategies will always make sure they are staying in control. This is true for the emotional blood-sucker as well. Control means being on top, being the priority, and being important.

And when one is in control, the other is a follower, or source of energy, in this situation. Retaining control makes sure that the energy supply is always available and ready, never seeing the truth of the dynamic.

7. Entitlement

Of course, emotional vampires are always entitled. This entitlement keeps sources of energy coming back to assist in some imaginary exchange.

Entitlement to this type of vampire means asserting importance, dominance, and relevance among friends, family, or intimate partners. Yes, an emotional vampire can thrive in intimate relationships because there’s a steady boost of reassurance.

8. Other forms of manipulation

There are many other forms of manipulation that an emotional vampire uses. These individuals are generally on the grandiose side of the narcissistic spectrum. They thrive on gaslighting, triangulation, and isolation of other people to gain energy.

Manipulation becomes such a woven part of their being that they rarely remove the façade to show their true character.

Emotional vampires are more than they seem

Emotional vampires are actually just forms of energy vampires. In fact, not only do they drain others of love and emotion, but they also cause great fatigue in the process.

If you feel tired and frustrated every time you deal with a certain person in your life, they may be an emotional vampire. It’s important to consider each of these points when making that assessment in your life.

And as with anything else, learning to deal with these toxic individuals can be daunting. Most of the time, distance is the only thing that will keep you safe from the toxic things emotional vampires do. Even family members can rank in this category, making it even more difficult to cope.

But here’s the thing: if you continue to work on yourself, building your self-worth and doing healthy introspection, then dealing with these individuals will be a much easier task.

I do hope if you are experiencing the struggles of dealing with an emotional vampire, that you can successfully find a solution. I wish you well.

Sherrie Hurd

About the author:

 

Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

Staff writer at Learning Mind
Sherrie Hurd is a professional writer and artist with over 20 years of experience. As a survivor of childhood trauma and multiple types of abuse, she is an advocate for mental health awareness. Sherrie manages multiple mental illnesses, including anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, and PTSD. With this background and personal experience, she strives to help others overcome trauma and abuse, cope with mental illness, and heal over time.

Copyright © 2012-2024 Learning Mind. All rights reserved. For permission to reprint, contact us.